Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
my being single is dangerous.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
