Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize