remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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