he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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