i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
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We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
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Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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