so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
