i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I FOUND THE LEGS
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