She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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