I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
