I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.