Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
farters have to be the big spoon...
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted