Texts From Last Night

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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.

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  (440): Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan. http://tfl.nu/6sdz
  Replies (8) Good night (3580) Bad night (876)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  protesters in toronto definately have the best pot

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  (703): protesters in toronto definately have the best pot http://tfl.nu/s38f
  Replies (17) Good night (4754) Bad night (1210)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".

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  (859): The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis". http://tfl.nu/o2ql
  Replies (9) Good night (3306) Bad night (1183)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday

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  (920): Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday http://tfl.nu/tp2d
  Replies (6) Good night (2998) Bad night (831)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.

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  (404): like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game. http://tfl.nu/v9p4
  Replies (4) Good night (2125) Bad night (956)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"

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  (540): 'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?" http://tfl.nu/d6iq
  Replies (6) Good night (2130) Bad night (809)
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation

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  (319): ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation http://tfl.nu/4iz3
  Replies (13) Good night (1182) Bad night (1066)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now

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  (401): I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now http://tfl.nu/a0kr
  Replies (4) Good night (1145) Bad night (524)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too

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  (317): I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too http://tfl.nu/ini4
  Replies (11) Good night (695) Bad night (1445)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes

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  (303): trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes http://tfl.nu/w6ny
  Replies (2) Good night (806) Bad night (509)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator

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  (978): woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator http://tfl.nu/ric1
  Replies (9) Good night (958) Bad night (617)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.

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  (978): damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder. http://tfl.nu/kxku
  Replies (2) Good night (307) Bad night (579)
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you

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  (504): No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you http://tfl.nu/ma8s
  Replies (2) Good night (510) Bad night (370)
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  (880): View more from

  And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?

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  (880): And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life? http://tfl.nu/xgp4
  Replies (1) Good night (173) Bad night (473)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!

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  (954): Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other! http://tfl.nu/u5r0
  Replies (2) Good night (514) Bad night (112)

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