The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
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Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
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Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.