Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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