Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
