Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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