I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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