I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
