you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
