OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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