babies were throwing up all over the place
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
