I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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