Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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