I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
