What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
