Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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