i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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