can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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