Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
