Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
