just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
did i walk over a car last night?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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