You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
there was a trapeze. enough said
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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