hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
