Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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