if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
be right there i have to get my cape
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
