She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
