My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
No subtext here. People are naked.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
