omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize