If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
