I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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