That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
