I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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