How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
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I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
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I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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