Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
