Do you still have your period?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
