Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
