her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
