I just threw up on my dentist
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
