I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
