so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
