Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
