you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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