Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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