My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
