Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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