My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
