Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
