someone get that fucking seahorse.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
