You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize