He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
