The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
