I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
