hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
