That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
