Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
