i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
