First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
