if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
