im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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